1. |
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i'm gonna be a great great great-grandpa, you'll hear it from my great-grandkids
i'm gonna tell them stories of times where i wasn't trying to make a story out of it
cause then i got too old, too self aware of the slippage, just grabbing onto what wasn't there
now it's just me, my shit back, and scoliosis i've acquired from leaning forward all the time
i'm gonna be a great great-great-grandpa when i live to be a hundred forty five
with new medical technology i've shoved into my body cause i'm far too scared of death to ever die
and when the sun hits the lake and i can't stay awake i'll have them rack my brain for memories and parts of you adrift, collect, and try to recreate our consciousness cause we're gonna live forever, at least in my mind
i'd have done it all for fun had i'd not known it's gonna end
but awareness drowned it out and left me outside looking in
i've tried stacking up the chairs but the legs won't seem to bend
cause your ghosts are all still sitting, sometimes like you never left
now my mind is leaking memories, with tears they trickle down
no longer looking out my eyes, how's one now someone else
and it seems no means were justified, sustainable at best
how i'd beg to dipper, anything, to pray that it would last
yet the after party's short, my wife rides home alone,
and my great great great-grandkids leave flowers at my stone
then finish going through my stuff, find buried on my desk
the hundred twenty-seven year old note i would've left
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2. |
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sleep in, better yet stay home
in my head, try to plan this out
what will I do for now, for the rest of my life
maybe draw that silver line
or i guess just try to keep the time
(1, 2, 3, fuck)
is this really how it ends
please, i can't be forgotten
can you see me
someday we'll be skeletons
but for now we live in hell
so until then, could i like me
i'm sick of choking on my throat
on back roads, social situations
does it ever go away
these days it's only getting worse
sat at my wallet's bottom
is this really where I'll stay
well i guess if i can't make up my mind
from lack of interest or inhibition
I'll stay on the sideline looking down
cause i can't make a simple fucking decision
i'm so tired of falling out of place
and if i didn't try what difference would it make
i'm so sick of planning out the days
cause if i just died, well fuck, what difference would it make
and if a god's not real then i'm gonna be pissed
cause i've got a lot of shit riding on this
an eternity of nothing seems worse than any hell
nothing good, nothing bad, just nothing, it's incomprehensible
and then all that's left is what i leave behind
so as long as that's there, will i ever really die
well bullshit, i'll admit that i'd rather be alive
i'm scared, can you hold me till we die
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3. |
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i sleep with the lights on
the darkness cuts too deep
i sleep with my clothes on
finality's in my sheets
it scares me half to death
and the other half that's left
festers in my head, carving out my chest
will i ever feel alright again?
hey, what the hell's with these thoughts
i've been awake for too long
it's setting in, stitched to my mind
am i dead or have i dried out both my eyes
the sun went down, who's laughing now
i waited just a bit too long
now i'm sat on the sidewalk staring at the spray-paint on my fingernail again
it all caves in and starts to spin, holes fill with water and make it harder to swim
my inability to take in air makes it harder to leave it's getting harder to breathe down here
my feet float up above my head
they're thinking while my minds taking steps
between the cracks, I'm not breaking backs
but it all means nothing when the asphalt's caving in
i don't recognize my neighbors, i'm not scared, not the least bit
just need a break I'm getting tired, just so sick of moving on
if it takes more than i've got not to fall how much will it take to stay here
i wish I had fondness for now, the same that i do for last year
the shelf life of my mind is well past its prime
can't you see we're closed, the doors are locked
come back tomorrow and maybe we'll be in stock
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4. |
why so sad, dad?
05:31
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are you having fun yet?
is this the way it's always gonna be?
i'll stop asking myself that when i feel happy
unless i'll never be
i've grown quite tired of self-destructive patterns
your shirts are soaked in red but i can't bleed, i'll dye mine instead
i promise that i'll shed my skin, just not today
but now it's starting to spread thin, because tomorrow never came
i can never tell if i have an addictive personality
or maybe it's because i'm far too fucking lazy to ever change
you haven't messaged me in months, i can take a fucking hint
i guess it builds up anyways cause i can't cope with shit
i can't live with what's in my head though it's all i have in the end
so i'll come up with rhymes about my state of mind and distract myself instead
are you having fun yet?
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5. |
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the season's changing, snow's accumulating at my feet
it's burying the spot where you were standing just last week
the ceiling's peeling and my carpet sure looks fertilized
this funny feeling that all i have left to do is die
i forgot to eat today, but that's okay
and i forgot to sleep again, but i'm okay
i'm just getting sick of growing older and being sick is getting old
and i wish we had held on tighter cause now it's all over the phone
are we alright?
is this how growing up's supposed to be?
we'll put up a fight
but it's hard to move when the future's at my feet
it's rising, it's rising
someday i'll be fine
i'm sinking, i'm sinking
i shouldn't be surprised
seasonal depression isn't fun
when the weather never changes
and now i'm starting to hate the sun
cause even the moon has phases
and i don't know what you were expecting
but it sure as hell wasn't me
the carpet's sticking to my feet
the sun's set now and i'm waist deep in the floor
i don't sleep anymore
what keeps me here's my fear of death
to disappear would take more than I've got left
my memories are sore so i won't think anymore
i'll see you in montauk
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